The Evil House Elves

We are the Evil House Elves
With heads as hard as rocks
We live to leave the toilet lid up
And hide your matching socks
We drink your milk right from the jug
And flash our silky smiles
We torment Mother's with our tricks
Leaving underwear in piles.

We may look just like your children
So innocent and free
But while you’re cleaning up the mess
We’re making more with glee
There’s nothing we can’t take apart
No heirloom we won’t break
We use superglue for toothpaste
And your hairbrush for a rake.

We bathed the puppy in perfume
Two Hundred Dollars an ounce!
We put the cat in the mailbox
And waited for her to pounce
Made kite tails out of your evening dress
Because we like the shine
Filled the sink with melted wax
And poured in all the wine.

The shaving cream that formed the ring
Around the foyer wall
As permanent as wainscotting
Extending down the hall
Into the kitchen pantry
Behind the krispy snacks
Into your last godiva chocolates
Half eaten in their sacks.

Oh woe is you, tired Mother
Astride domestic bliss
While you clutch your broom
With the glare of doom
That even an elf can’t miss
Remember the promises you made
For better or for worse
The law won’t let you wring our necks
Without a note from the nurse.

len bullard
03/03/11