Thursday, September 24, 2009

Getting To No Me

Are you tired of answering Facebook quizzes designed to help your friends help the marketing departments of the companies that pay Facebook to pester you with these questionnaires? Consider them an opportunity to throw mustard on their spyglasses.

Getting to No Me

1. What time did you get up this morning? 3:15AM. Ask me when I went back to bed.

2. How do you like your steak? I take roses to the pasture.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Butter on the seat cushion.

4. What is your favorite TV show? A form of entertainment.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? As long as I'm breathing, I'm there.

6. What did you have for breakfast? My health.

7. What is your favorite cuisine? I don't date relatives.

8. What foods do you dislike? Humans. They are too salty.

9. Favorite Place to Eat? Wherever she sets the table.

10. Favorite dressing? Blue jeans.

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? The kind that run on gas.

12. What are your favorite clothes? Loose.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? The 23 century... meet Jane Jetson.

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Which side?

15. Where would you want to retire? Off the interstate. OTW, one gets run over.

16. Favorite time of day? Quitting time.

17. Where were you born? Next to Mom.

18. What is your favorite sport to watch? Bingo.

19. Who do you think will not tag you back? Kelly.

20. Person you expect to tag you back first? Kelly.

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? Kelly.

22. Bird watcher? Poll watcher.

23. Are you a morning person or a night person? I'm a might person.

24. Do you have any pets? Kelly. Almost trained.

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? Whatever you report.

26. What did you want to be when you were little? Bigger.

27. What is your best childhood memory? My children standing at the window when I came home.

28. Are you a cat or dog person? I'm a Batman.

29. Are you married? I'm not your type.

30. Always wear your seat belt? Only in the car. It chafes in the shower.

31. Been in a car accident? I hiked to the top of one once.

32. Any pet peeves? No. Peeves is a house servant.

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? Cash.

34. Favorite Flower? Martha White Self-Rising.

35. Favorite ice cream? Frozen.

36. Favorite fast food restaurant? Our kitchen.

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Only once, but I found the bug and recompiled.

38. From whom did you get your last email? Ethiopia.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Don't they have their own?

40. Do anything spontaneous lately? I regenerated my liver.

41. Like your job? Almost as much as Noah.

42. Broccoli? Didn't he make Bond movies?

43. What was your favorite vacation? When we moved out of my old apartment.

44. Last person you went out to dinner with? Me.

45. What are you listening to right now? Oh Happy Days. It's stuck in my head.

46. What is your favorite color? Petunia.

47. How many tattoos do you have? All of them.

49. What time did you finish this quiz? Quitting time.

50. Coffee? I never rent.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The Undisputed Truth

You can watch 24 x 7 x 365 violence on Spike TV, or watch YouTube for the undisputed truth. It will be fun to read the defenders of laissez faire business models argue about this.

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