Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The AROMA Party: Position Statement - A Transparent Solution for the Near Enough Islamic Cultural Center

The AROMA Party has carefully studied the positions of other parties deliberating the so-called, Mosque On Ground Zero, aka, the Near Enough To Start the Fight Cultural Scenter. With his usual firm commitment to a course that neither defends nor offends, presumes or resolves, or otherwise provides a sensible solution to a sensitive problem, President Barack Obama said Saturday that Muslims have the right to build a mosque near New York's Ground Zero, but he did not say whether he believes it is a good idea to do so.

Whatta guy.

The following reflect the mainstreams of sensitive thinking on the topic:

"At its essence, our position is about sensitivity. Everyone -- victims, opponents and proponents alike -- must pay attention to the sensitivities involved without giving in to appeals to, or accusations of, bigotry. Ultimately, this was not a question of rights, but a question of what is right." – Abraham H. Foxman

“New York City's mayor welcomes the mosque.” Spokesman for Mayor Michael Bloomberg

"The mosque should be built some place else," Speaker of the House Harry Reid.

"President Obama has this all wrong… Freedom of religion might provide the right to build the mosque in the shadow of Ground Zero, but common sense and respect for those who lost their lives and loved ones gives sensible reason to build the mosque someplace else." Democratic U.S. Senate candidate Jeff Greene of Florida

Given these hardwinded positions, the AROMA Party provides a sensible solution with its trademarked and patent pending insensitive approach. Adopting a strategy used by the Russian KGB during the construction of an American Embassy in Moscow, the AROMA Party platform position can be summed up in one trendy and often abused word


Because the positions of other parties are based on the groundless zero sum fears that such a center will enable ‘triumphalism’ for the Islamic hard right wing, and yet must be a center of faith, understanding and global acceptance by the hard left wing, the center fusilage must be constructed to endure the buffeting of the harsh winds of criticism, radicalism, racialism and anilihilism. After long and serious deliberations at the gay bar three doors upstream of the proposed construction site, the AROMA platform committee hammered out, hammered on or was simply hammered while sawing the following plank:

We resolve this issue by committing the resources and funding to the construction of a web-enabled transparency system for the center. Every room, every window, every closet and every bathroom will be equipped with state of the art cameras, microphones, and enhanced-see-through-your-underwear equipment. A web cast of all conversations, assignations and liaisons will be provided 24x7x365 to the globe. No effort in our time will so enable understanding of the inner workings of the Islamic faithful.

As with our Canadian Express solution, this is sensible, insensitive and a jobs program for our recovering economy. As such, funds from the Department of Homeland Security will be targeted, umm… reassigned to support this project. We expect the full and complete cooperation of the Federal agencies assigned to ensure full transparency of actions taken in the Cordoba Center.


John Cowan said...

The AROMA Party (New York City Branch) respectfully requests that the AROMA Party (National Organization) get the snot out of its pants and mind its own business on this issue, which is strictly a New York one. If Us New Yorkers want to dangle the Anton LaVey Memorial Church of Satan from the TV antenna atop the Empire State Building, Us New Yorkers will do so, with no back-talk from the rest of so-called America.

The fact is, Ground Zero is just a fenced-off hole in the ground, like any other construction site — if anyone actually works on any of them, it must be between 3 and 5 AM every June 31st. And 2001 was nine long years ago. Get over it already. We have.

Len Bullard said...

The AROMA Party National Office is insensitive to this request by the New York City Branch and congratulates the New York City Branch on it's insensitivity to the emotional considerations of the rest of so-called America.

However, the committee recommendations have been adopted as the only sensible solution offered and cannot by it's charter become sensitized to the requirements of a special interest group such as the citizens of New York.

There is the potential for the US DHS in cooperation with the US Forestry Service and the US Parks Department to declare the site a national park and thus claim jurisdiction over the fenced off hole thus relieving the citizens of New York of their emotional stress over this issue.

Insincerely yours,

The Snotty Chair

Amber said...

I suggest that a couple of those fancy see through your clothes scanners currently used in America's airports also be installed at the scenter to further the transparency of both the scenter and its visitors.

Besides being sensibly insensitive to fiber content. I'm also sensitively insensitive to apostrophe abuse---especially the it's/its form. :)

Len Bullard said...

To the New Mexico Chair:

The National Office does not find the scanner suggestion insensible. We will when and if empowered deploy said scanners and scenters.

Apostrophe abuse is however insensible and incorrect. Future communications will reflect this sensibility.

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